Ugh. It’s Monday.  Who the hell wants that.  I’m already over it.  So let’s not deal with the week and continue to be bitchy and cranky by criticizing everyone’s outfit from last night’s Teen Choice Awards.  I must confess that I didn’t watch the show because I was busy enjoying mojitos with friends and because the last time I watched the awards (ok, last year and pretty much every year) I felt old because I didn’t know half the people.  Who wants to have to deal with that on a Sunday night?  Best left to Bitchy Monday.    After the jump let’s get out Mean Girl on and judge some grosky biotches in fancy dresses.

No shade can be thrown at these fabulous bitches. We’re already off to a terrible start for Bitchy Monday. No Doubt showed up to introduced themselves to the youths, I assume. They showed up and said BOW DOWN BITCHES. WE USED TO RULE THIS SHIT. And all the 13 year olds did.

Drunk Uncle Joe Jonas showed up after a bender and the youth thought “uhhh aren’t we over you dude?”  Poor Joe.  You look like you just came of a coke filled bender and grabbed a child’s jacket on his way out.  You have so much potential, Joseph.  Maybe shower next time?

Ugh.

I like can’t even with her. I don’t know anyone out there right now who’s more OMG YOU GUUYYYYSSSSS I’M LIKE REALLY HOT SO LOVE MY BODAYYYYYY. Wear more fabric.

Your hair dye is terrible. NEXT.

I will give you props for not dressing like you’re twelve and you’re so excited your parentals let you go out on a school night. That being said, I’m torn between wanting to ask you if you want to go ice skating and if you could please give that dress to Keira Knightley.  I think she could really rock this.

Sir you are old.  And you do not have the man heavage of Kellan Lutz to pull this look off.

These pants are yelling “LOOK GUYS I WALK FOR REAL.”

Granted, yes this isn’t a picture of your outfit but brava on that face, sir.

I think I like this outfit?

 

WHAT THE HELL MOMMY I’M SCARED.

Presh. If only slightly Kendall Jennerish.

PHEW.  Don’t you feel better now that you’ve gotten that out of your system?  Go on with your fierce self and attack that Monday.  WERQ.

Photos via Just Jared and E! Online